This is a well-worn copy of one of my favorite books. It was written for kids, and is one I recommend to my students if they are having trouble finding something to read in the library. I highly recommend it to you as well. It’s about a 12 year old girl named Catherine whose brother is autistic. Because he is autistic, the family is always teaching him the “rules of society”….you know, like keep your pants on in public, and when somebody says, hello, say hi back. The stuff most of us understand just because. Catherine goes to her brother’s behavior therapy sessions because it gives her alone time with her mother, something that is rare for her because of the care her brother requires. While at one of these sessions, Catherine notices a boy in a wheelchair that doesn’t speak. She also notices that he has a word tray where he forms sentences to communicate. As Catherine looks over his words, she realizes that he is limited in what he can say based on the words he has on his tray. So she starts making cards with interesting words printed on them and brings them to each session so that he has the ability to say more and more. They develop a friendship that she struggles with as she learns to deal with her other friends who aren’t as understanding of people with differences. It’s a great story that I found I related to the minute I started reading. The author seemed to have a deep understanding of what it is like to live with someone that is different than what the world deems “normal”.
My oldest son who is now 23 was diagnosed high functioning autistic when he was 7. I have often thought about how much time we have spent teaching the “rules” to our son. Before he was diagnosed, I kept wondering why everyday things just didn’t seem apparent to him. I especially noticed this after my second son was born and seemed to be developing more typically. People can take for granted the things you learn from “just living”. These things don’t come naturally for those on the autism spectrum. This creates special problems for their families as they try to help their child learn how to act and be in public. Then they face the added frustration that usually children with autism don’t transfer the “rule” to new situations, so they are constantly trying to stay one step ahead of the game with preemptive advice for what to do in certain situations.
Have you seen the TV program Parenthood? There is a character on that show named Max who has Asperger’s Syndrome (the highest functioning end of the autism spectrum). People who know me ask me if I have watched the show and if so, does this character, Max, do a good job of portraying what it is like to have an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and what it is like to live with it. I have watched the show and my answer to them is yes, Max’s behaviors are very typical of a person with Asperger’s Syndrome. However, I add, the family's reactions to Max make me want to cringe sometimes. It actually drives me crazy if you want to know the truth. I find myself screaming at the screen, “Give that boy some boundaries and rules for heaven’s sake.” Just because somebody is autistic doesn’t mean they can’t learn, and it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have to keep the same rules as everyone else. Don’t just give in to them because you are afraid they will have a meltdown. I remember many times carrying my son out of a public place as he threw the mother of all tantrums because he wasn’t getting his way and everyone was staring at me in the process. I would drive home in tears because of embarrassment, but at the same time, I knew that over time I was teaching him that there are boundaries and rules and whether you like it or not, you have to live with them. This helped in later years when he had to sit in a seat at school, and he had to do his homework.
I don’t claim to be an expert on autism, but I have lived with it for the past 23 years, and I have only had a few years in my teaching career where I didn’t have a child on the spectrum in my classroom. I also focused my entire Master’s thesis on autism, so I feel pretty qualified to at least give an educated opinion about it. So as both a parent and teacher with experience I would like to suggest a few “rules” that I have for parents and teachers. I believe these rules are beneficial and applicable to any student, not just those with autism. So please don’t stop reading (that’s if you’ve already made it this far) just because autism may not apply to you at the moment.
1. BE NICE
· Teachers: If you are making your student’s life and the life of their parents difficult…..STOP IT!
· Parents: If you are making the life of your child’s teacher difficult…..STOP IT!
Yes teachers you need to accommodate and have patience and help with organization and keeping parents informed. Yes, you do deserve respect, but you don’t have to be mean to get it. If you are not doing these things and you are being mean, then you need to STOP IT!
Yes parents, you need to sit with your child at home and help them with their work even when it is a daunting task. Yes your child does deserve the best a teacher can give, but remember that teachers are not superhuman. The teacher can’t possibly do everything that you sometimes think they should. You don’t have to be mean either. If you are not doing these things and you are being mean, then you need to STOP IT!
2. LET NATURAL CONSEQUENCES OCCUR
· Parents, don’t threaten consequences you aren’t willing to follow through with because you hope your threat changes the unwanted behavior.
· If your child breaks a rule, let them suffer the consequence, don’t step in to “save them”. You aren’t doing them any favors by doing this.
· Teachers, keep parents informed about anything important. Don’t expect students to always tell their parents what you need them to know.
3. STAY INFORMED
· Parents, check online for grades and missing assignments often. Read school bulletins and contact teachers when you don’t know something.
· Teachers, keep current on the latest methods and strategies for teaching not just students with disabilities but all students. Don’t fall into a comfort zone that may not be working.
4. DON’T BE AFRAID OF HIGH EXPECTATIONS
· Parents remember that students hear what you say. When you tell them they can’t do something, they believe you. Tell them they can do it and encourage them to do their best, and if their limits do stop them, at least they tried. If they have a disability, don’t let it be an excuse. Don’t say to a teacher in front of them that you think it will be too hard for them to do. It may very well be too hard, but if they know that in the beginning…where is the effort?
· Teachers when you set high expectations, students perform better. Let them know that if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right. Which brings up another point…if it’s not worth doing…then don’t do it. I hate aimless busy work.
If you would like to know more about autism go here.
For family and friend support of autism, visit here I was introduced to this organization by James Vaughan, founder and president and a father of a son with autism.
I know this post is especially long, but it is a subject close to my heart and I hope that maybe something I have said is helpful to somebody that reads this. I welcome your thoughts and comments about this subject! Thanks for taking the time to read!
